The journey of personal transformation starts with acceptance.
Accepting that you have issues, admitting that there are things that you need to change. But most of us dwell in our past and just cannot accept and move on from it.
But why is it so difficult to move on?
The Trap of the Past
Regrets. We all regret something in life. Our past is the landmine filled with regrets. Even though we know this, we often wander and revisit those moments in the past. Moving on from past trauma or disappointments is something we all struggle with. And the solution is simple, just move on. However, it is easier said than done.
I am yet to meet a person who doesn’t have something in their past that they would like to change. If people are given the superpower of traveling back in time and changing something in their history, almost everyone will change something.
This is the nature of the past. The things and experiences you had in the past is long gone. The people who were involved might have changed. You have changed since then. But the wound still remains.
Every one of us is trying to heal that wound, and almost no one seems to succeed.
It is like being in stuck in quicksand. The more you struggle to get out, the more you sink in. The past is filled with a lot of things, and the only question we should be asking is whether we can change what happened to us?
The Time Machine to the Rescue
When I asked this question to one of my friends, he said forget superpowers, that might not happen. However, the time machine is something that will be invented in the future. Then changing the past would be possible.
What I realized from this conversation is that we all want the time machine to be invented. Not because it will allow us to go back in time and understand the critical events that defined the future of our species, but because we desperately want to change something in our personal life.
The thing is, even if the time machine is invented, we probably won’t be able to change much or worse, we won’t be able to change anything. That would disturb everything and the future we will be in, won’t even exist.
Sorry to disappoint you!
Is there Anything we can do to Change our Past?
Not really! But, there are a few things that you can do to accept and move on.
See, the past is long gone. Looking in the rearview mirror in hopes of getting a chance to go back to change your actions, and your situations in the past is just a fantasy. The more you stress out and live in your past, the more you will miss the things that are happening to you now.
Embrace your Scars
The first and most challenging practice to move on from the past is by embracing your scars.
We all are wounded by something that happened to us. Everyone has at least one incident that caused them immense pain and displeasure. However, learning to embrace the wound that keeps us trapped in the past is the only way to get out of there!
The thing that you need to remember is that life is unfair. People are mean. Shit happens!
The scars that hurt you so much has now become a part of you. It has defined you as a person in the present.
Accept the Past
Accepting the past as it is, can be difficult. But when you let go of your illusion of control and understand that you can’t change everything, it becomes a lot easier.
The best way to embrace the past traumas is by reliving the incident again and again with someone you trust. The more you talk about it, the lesser impact it has on you.
Trust me, this exercise is fantastic. And if you don’t have anyone you can trust sharing your past with, try talking to yourself. Go in every detail and repeat it until it sinks in completely.
The reason the past hurts so much is that we tend to give it too much importance. Yes, I don’t deny that some things are really hurtful, but the sooner we accept entirely, the better chance we have at living and focusing on the present.
Forgive the People that Hurt You
I know, sometimes it feels almost impossible to forgive people for what they did to us. But believe me, the more anger and hatred we carry each day for those people is only going to cause more pain to us.
Forgiving and letting go off of our anger and hatred shows us that we care about ourselves.
The longer we resent people and carry grudges, the more importance we give them in our lives. It always better to forgive them.
Try it, you will feel relieved!
This is something different. You need to understand that even you might have hurt someone in your past.
How you are struggling with your past might be similar to the struggle that the people who you hurt are having.
Apologizing to people who you have hurt shows you that you are not just moving on from your past but also helping others to move on from theirs.
The only thing that matters right now is the present. If you live long enough in the past, you lose the only thing that you can really control, the present. Remember, your present is what will become your past. So the better you focus and live in the present, the better chance you have of creating a past that you cherish and not regret and resent!